Friday, May 20, 2011

Finding Purpose

The world is a wonderful place.  It can also be a living Hell.

Volumes have been written on why bad things happen to otherwise good people.  Spiritual folks take solace in saying God has a plan.  That Our Creator makes bad things happen for a reason.  He does not give to us what we cannot handle.  To hell with THAT!  What about children.  I could give examples of what I mean and dare you to find the plan.  But I digress.

That statement was the straw that broke my psyche once upon a time.  It broke one morning in a Sunday School   class.  Someone relayed the story of woman with borne with a physical limitation.   Apparently her existence was extremely difficult, but tempered by acceptance.  I story was recounted by someone I did not like anyway.  I snapped.  I shouted out my refusal to accept such condemnation by a Creator to a life of suffering for the sake of others.  My wife freaked out.  Fortunately I took steps and sought help.

Now, in this moment, after experiencing and confessing a very dark period I am caught in troubling thought. Was I meant to experience this. Is my willingness to write about my troubles a vehicle for raising awareness & understanding in others - whether they be sufferers or onlookers.

I lashed out and raged against this very notion, that we are given flaws and sacks of crap to make us stronger.  To be an example and strengthen.  I hated the idea of suffering so others could grow.  Again, not all suffering sows the seed of healing.

I still question why people take comfort in being an imperfect copy of an infallible being. Why would a/the maker intentional screw up a manufactured product unless it is meant for a consumer based economy.  To be used up and tossed out.  What is to rejoice in that?

Why build a flaw into the system?

To make us weak?  

To leave us vulnerable?  

To cause us to be afraid?

No.  Thank. You.  

I can accept my flaws as the randomness of nature.  Nothing intelligent in my design.  My life has certainly been bereft of intelligence. Ha!

I will accept my flaw so long as I am able to tell the story.  Based on the response, there is power in sharing this experience.  Many people run for causes - cancer, homelessness, disaster relief.  I may have found my cause.

1 comment:

  1. You know you and I have fundamental difs of opinion on this one, but I'm not without my questions as well. I have faith. I also have doubt. Both can coexist.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Where you see flaws, I see mile markers on your journey- and they inspire me.