I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 14

Don't confuse safe with smart.

I have always played it safe.  Never smart.  That's why ultra running could be a could fit for me.  What is smart about running 50mi, 100mi, beyond 100mi?  Nothing.  Playing it safe in training, with hydration & fueling and walk breaks - that's where the smart comes in.

Your confidence in me is appreciated.

Your concern for me is warranted.

Your hopes and prayers for me are received.

As a dude said this week, all that's left to do is to 'not quit'.  He quit at the Barkley Marathons last week.  He knows when and why to quit.  But he's finished more often than he's failed (if quitting equals failure) so this dude is a trusted resource on the subject.

Based on my track record through life finishing the 100 should be easier than the not-quitting.  There is a difference.  Think about it.

Quitting is natural for me.  Not quitting is new.  At some point quitting may be smart.  Hell, it may be safe.  And it may be necessary.  One point to remember is that each step puts me closer to 'not quitting'.

***

Epilogue is Prologue - for all intents and purposes training is done.  It may not have gone the way I hoped.  I did only give myself eight weeks to prepare, but I have been running consistently at 60-70mi per week since July.  Some things did not get done, but no sense is crying about it.  The base is there.  Nothing to add to the mix this coming week but rest and organization and travel.

From Thursday afternoon through Tuesday night I will be on fumes.  The timezone change will assuredly mess with my mind as well as my body.  This is the first time I shall ever be west of the Rockies.  That alone will take a lot out of me.  Not to mention the whole 'running for hours and hours' thing.

Fortunately for some of you (wink nudge) I'll have limited internet access due mainly to available battery power on my mobile phone.  I do hope to communicate with any and all of you while on this great adventure.  I have dragged y'all along with me and see no reason to stop now.

Later next week I'll post my plan for udpating my progress during the Lumberjack.  It is a simple affair.  No fancy online tracking.  So if you care you will be able to follow my progress.  If not...  Why are you still reading this stupid shit if you don't care?  That's just dumb.

 - Logan


PS, There are times when people come into your life to bring new ideas or viewpoints for one to consider.  Whether to open up new possibilities or simply reflections of one's self.  Several of those persons have come into my life in the last year, each armed with great faith that I am capable of so much more than I ever would have given myself credit for.  To each of you I give thanks.  After LJ I promise to thank you directly and personally.

In preparing for my last marathon I created a dedication list with each mile given in thought to a single person or group of people that held a special place in creating "me".  Even now I realize I left some very important people off that last.  However, as I wind down my preparations for the Lumberjack there will be no list.  No miles or loops in dedication to others.  This run is about me, for me.  I will still think about all the people who have helped me reach this point in my running life.  I simple know that to finish this distance I have to run each step for me alone.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 11

"I didn't need to know that I could run 100 miles before tackling the century distance; I needed only the courage to do it."

 - Elinor Fish, former editor, Trail Runner Magazine (March 2011)

Courage is an interesting trait.  Some challenges go unmet because they hold no interest.  Some people realize they are ill equipped to meet the challenge.  And others still lack the courage to rise up and confront the task before them.  I lack courage.

Running one hundred miles may seem insane.  Some may consider it dangerous.  One might even say foolish.  You may even say while it not for you, there is a certain amount of admiration for those runners that do tackle the longest of endurance races.

I will contend that courage is the life preserver that carries you to "certainty.  Once you met the challenge courage is not longer as important as regular training and nutrition.  Courage helps you to face the unknown.

Fear used to enter my mind when considering "the marathon".  I shed that fear.

The idea going beyond 26.2 miles left me uncertain.  After last night's 50k trainer, I realize I am capable of more.  Fifty miles appears within my grasp.

I will need courage going to Port Gamble in nineteen days.  Courage will maintain my calm.  Courage will keep my gaze steady.  Courage will keep my stride fluid.

But my trust that my need for courage will be temporary.  I am looking to replace courage with certainty.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 9

You can never tell how steep something is until you rub noses with it.

 - Bear Grylls' father, The Kid Who Climbed Everest

I was in a bit of a crisis this morning.  Not thinking of bagging the ultra, but I was in serious need of a mojo adjustment.  Thirty days is still a long way out.

This got me thinking about my motivation for participating in this event.  I need to frame my motivation to know I can pull through when chasing the buckle is not enough.  I have to find my desire when "wouldn't that be cool" no longer matters.  Time to admit why I want or need to complete this race.

What will completing an ultra marathon mean to me?  Do I need to finish an ultra to be "somebody"?  Down deep I think so.  It may not be the best reason to participate in race of any length, from 5k to beyond 26.2.  But I need it to prove something to myself.

I have a lot of fears.  I am controlled by some pretty strong inhibitions.  My biggest obstacle (among many) is that I do not consider myself "worthy" or "good enough".  Maybe this race will allow me to see myself as others see me.  

Of course somewhere in the back of my mind I question if I shall ever find what it is I am seeking.  The high from my Boston qualifying run in Myrtle Beach less than thirty days ago has already worn off.  Not that I'm demeaning the value of the finish.  It seems to have had little carry over.  I am afraid that the same thing will happen after the ultra.

If you have not already guessed I tend to obsess and over analyze.  For now I shall focus on enjoying the trip.  I shall focus on finishing.  I can worry about "after the finish" after I finish.

Thanks to Runfastermommy for sharing this video with me on Facebook.  I really needed to see it today.

 - Logan

"Falling Short" Was Such a Great Leap Forward

The 2011 Myrtle Beach Marathon marks a day two years in the making.  When I decided in December 2008 to "become" a marathoner it was too late to register for the 2009 race here in my adopted hometown.  Then the 2010 was cancelled.  So I was extremely excited all week that the day was coming, that thousands of people were coming to my town to run on what would be a glorious day in mid-February.

The excitement started earlier in the week.  All the advance well-wishes from friends online was incredible.  The taper was not as bad as I had anticipated, except for the lack of sleep.  I only ran half my usual mileage by Thursday.  Thus I am wide awake at 3am Thursday, 1am Friday and 2am Saturday.  The fatigue finally hits me 6pm Friday and I am getting extremely irritable.  Fortunately Andria is extremely understanding and allows me to chill on my own.  (I do apologize for being an ass.  Knowing you are an ass is the first step toward not being an unbearable ass.)

The four o'clock alarm sounds, I kiss the wife and sleeping kidlets and I am off to collect my "pace rabbit".  Timothy P. of North Carolina offered to pace me through the race.  It is amazing how running is a bridge to "fast" friends, even when personalities or backgrounds can be so different.

We arrive at the parking lot next to the starting line and mingled amongst the crowd beginning to assemble.  There are even a few chance meet ups with fellow dailymilers such as Jonathon S, Aaron, Paul S, Matt and a few others that may have blended into the predawn excitement.  I also exchange well-wishes with local running friends making their way to the appropriate spots in the starting field.

Tim and I move forward and are in the second or third row off the starting line.  I am not nervous so much as ready to test myself and see how I will respond to the challenge I set for myself months ago.

My running is about so many things - physical fitness, mental & emotional wellness, breaking through barriers.  In the pursuit of being the best runner I can be I had aspirations of qualifying for Boston.  I also want to run New York City.  The lottery process would afford me a "guaranteed" entry by my fortieth birthday.  However,  after the Boston registration fiasco I looked into how one might avoid the NYC lottery and "qualify" for that race.  That change in focus meant I had to reset my race goal from 3:15:59 (7:27 minutes per mile) to 2:54:59 (6:40 minutes per mile).  And that difference is staggering.

The starting cannon fires and my left calf "pulls" with the first step.  Ugh!  So my race strategy suddenly changes from going hard and fast to managing the pain and staying on the course.  Going to be epic one way or another.

Tim and I manage to pick our way through the crowd over the first few miles.  We don't pass too many people as our early plan is to warm up to the pace.  The breathing is easy and legs feel good other than my calf.  This first major landmark will be seeing my family at Mile 6 in Market Commons, a local retail/residential area.

I bounced between 7:00/mi and 6:40/mi but as I see my family I suddenly speed up as the excitement overtakes me.  I worked out a system with my oldest daughter before the race.  I would flash a hand signal for my current pacing which she would text to dailymile.com through Twitter.  The race timing company offered live tracking for the race but that site crashed on race morning, so this little system with Lochlyn works out pretty well, as evidenced by the chatter on Twitter during the race.  As the course winds through the blocks of Market Commons I check my Garmin and realize my pace has dropped to under 6:20/mi.  Time to ease off the gas with nearly twenty miles still ahead of  us.

But I was somewhat unprepared for what would happen on the half mile back to the oceanfront.  This is the first "out and back" of the course with inbound runners filing past the outbound runners.  I scan the oncoming crowd for familiar faces.  I call out to Hal, a Michigander spending the winter here with his daughter and her family.  Then it happens.  I start hearing my name.  Shouts of "LOGAN!"  "GO UNARUNNER!"  Knowing that people were looking for me gave me a huge boost and put me in a very happy place. 

The next challenge is on Ocean Blvd.  Almost nine miles along the oceanfront into a north wind.  The wind is not cold, but offers heavy resistance.  The best approach I find in dealing with the wind is to just let it come.  I cannot redirect it, and with a set course I cannot avoid it.  Best to make friends and keep moving ahead.

We pass Bob and Tom at Mile 12.  They are dailymilers and offer encouragement.  Bob is a course volunteer.  Tom had hopes of running today but decided to hang out and soak in the atmosphere.  Tom snapped this picture for us.

We cross the halfway mark at 1:28 and change.  I am a minute and a half off my NYCQ goal but I have time to make that back if everything goes well.  No worries yet.

At some point Tim says he is developing a blister.  Apparently he does not get blisters and may have cause for concern.  Over the next five miles we process along fairly well only to realize I have lost Tim.  Never says a word.  Just not there.  I wonder what happen but later learn he developed a major foot problem and finishes ten minutes behind me.

One thing I know is that before any major race you cannot go to the bathroom enough.  If I do not have pee at the starting line I have not hydrated enough.  So by Mile 17 I need to make a pitstop.  I am on another short "out and back" and spy port-o-johns on the other side of the road, but figure I am still a half-mile away.  I cannot wait that long and start wondering if I can make it or risk jumping into the woods along the road.  I decide "to Hell with it" and hop into the woods, take care of business and get back to work.  But like my first marathon last November I am not able to recover my speed.  It is during mile 17 that my pace finally goes over seven minutes per mile.

Someone once suggested that I revel in any finish line.  A marathon completed is a good marathon.  That same person (and I cannot give credit because I have forgotten who said this) said to enter any race with multiple goals.  A single goal means I risk seeing the day as a failure if I cannot hit it.  But multiple goals gives me the opportunity to adjust and reset my determination and still have something to race for.

Goal Number One is to qualify for New York City with a time below 2:55:00.  My second goal is to run the course under three hours.  My third goal is to quality for Boston at 3:15:00.  And my fourth goal is to best 3:30:00.  The last goal would represent a fifteen minute PR over my first official marathon time.

So by Mile 18 I know that New York City will have to wait for another day.  I have other races on the schedule anyway.  My spirit will not be extinguished over a few numbers on a clock.  Now a sub 3 hour pace is on my mind.

Over the next few miles that cramp in my calf gets really bad.  And my right calf is starting to wake up.  My feet are sore and I dealt with mild stomach cramps during miles 18 & 19.  I've run through most of the water stops, grabbing Powerade or water as best I can.  However now I am walking through the stops.  Time to manage the course and the pain.

Lets just say that the next few miles were not fun.  I saw Haley on the course waiting for her husband Nathan, who is running his first marathon.  They are local running buddies and super positive people.  I enjoy sharing the road with them at any opportunity.  He has a tough day and looks awful at the finish line, but like me he is now a marathoner.  Needless to say seeing Haley's cheerful face is a nice boost to my spirits.

By mile 24 I pick up a quad cramp.  Never had that before.  I have to stop and stretch for a bit and quickly resume my slow trot to the finishing area.

I forgot to mention that my Garmin unlinked from the "Skynet" during mile 22.  So other than the course clocks every two miles I have no clue how I am doing.  At this point I accept that a sub 3 finish is lost as well.  Time to check in with Goal Number Three.

I realize that I have a chance at 3:10:00 but need to run as much of the final few miles as possible.  A runner passes me and says we have 1.5 miles to go, that I am looking good.  Just keep moving.  Time to find that place inside myself to provide the spark.  It occurs to me that 3:10:00 will be the new standard for Boston in 2013.  Better get it now while I have a shot.

Dedication miles are a big thing for me.  Sometimes running for myself is not enough.  I will think about people that inspire me.  I will run for them.  When I put all the people on my list I gave miles 1 and 26 to my wife Andria.  I think about her and our nearly twenty years together.  As I approached the final turn into the baseball stadium parking lot that hosted the finish area I repeated a few lines for/about Andria that made all my pain and frustration melt away.  

The final .2 are in a shoot with a right turn and approach to the finish.  As I enter the shoot I hear some dude shouting encouragement and saying 3:09 is within our grasp.  I realize he is the 3:10 pacer.  Just... Keep... Going...

Hundreds of spectators are lining the chute.  I see The Cobra cheering me on.  I see Andria and my youngest daughter and hear "GO DADDY!"  Only feet from the line I see Lochlyn, my oldest daughter, and hear my mom.  Suddenly my race is over.  3:09:20

I cannot tell you how hard I ran those final few hundred yards because I do not know.  I can not recall how I felt as I approached the finish line.  The cheers of the crowd propelled me forward.  And satisfaction is my reward.  As I move through the finishing area I bow my head low enough for a volunteer to place a medal around my neck.

The end of the race means that the pain in my calves I spent so long trying to suppress now have my full attention.  Walking is so painful, each step is an ordeal.  But unlike Chickamauga in November I never lay down.  I walk the long gated queue out of the finishing corral to join my family.  Time for water, bananas, oranges and whatever else I can find to eat.  The Grand Strand Running Club set up a tent with a massage therapist and beer keg.  Yay massage!  Yay beer!

 

My friend David Murphy posted to Facebook this update on his Voices In My Head page:

Some call him The UnaRunner.  Some call him Logan Hejl.  Now EVERYBODY will call him a Boston Qualifier.  WOOOOOOOOOOO!xBQ

Gotta love that...

While I did not meet all my goals in this race I am extremely happy with the result.  I gave my best effort and know where I need to focus in the future to make the necessary improvements.  The second half took twelve minutes longer than the first.  Need to work on lowering "the wall" just a bit.  I wondered about feeling embarrassed at publicly stating my ambitious goals then falling short.  But David said to keep having those "pie in the sky" goals.  I should keep putting myself out there.  Can't be awesome any other way.

Post script #1  So I will throw down the gauntlet for the next challenge here for all to read.  Since reading Born To Run and "friending" actual ultrarunners on Facebook and dailymile.com I have been bitten by the ultra marathon bug.  If I am able to resume training in short order and not break an ankle at the Rugged Maniac 5k on my birthday weekend next month I hope to participate in my first ultra.  The Lumberjack Endurance Run is calling my name and offers an opportunity to meet West Coast dailymilers.  It remains to be seen if I have the guts for the 50 miler, 100k or 100 miler.  I am so excited!

Post script #2  The overall winner was Kathleen Castles of New Providence, NJ.  With a finishing time of 2:40:11 she realized her goal of qualifying for the United States Olympic Trial.  Kathleen is the first female overall winner and set the female course record.  Good luck to her and all the other amazing athletes approaching 2012.

Post script #3  I have worn a HTFU bracelet since December of last year.  It was a gift from a great friend and inspiration, Farra Karsen, one of my sisters in running.  She gave the bracelet to me during a depressive time recently, when the cold and darkness of winter running threatened to crush my spirits.

I lost that bracelet some time early in the race, either in the starting area or once I pulled my shirt and gloves off in the first few miles.  From pictures Andria took I know it was gone by mile 6 .  I posted on Twitter that this bracelet is my most valued possession second only to my wedding ring.  The amazing thing is the the people at HTFU.com saw the tweet and are going to help me out.  Very awesome.

Post script #4  To explain how big 3:09:20 is, let me run the stats.  Of 1748 actual finishers, I crossed as number 45.  Forty-fifth out of one thousand seven hundred forty-eight.  HOLY HELL MAN!!!  Had I finished with a sub 3 hour time I would have finished at least twenty-first.  If this race went as planned I would have finished in the top eleven and within 15 minutes of the overall winner.  OH MY GOD!!!  In the age group division I placed seventh of 184 males aged 34-39.  I slashed forty-five minutes of my previous personal best.  I went from slogging through to a barely sub 4 hour marathon to a near miss of a sub 3 hour effort.  

There is still much work to do my friends.  Thanks for inspiring me...

The UnaRunner

Now what?

I am five days removed from my first marathon.  I still marvel at the notion of completing this goal.  However am itching for something more.  I feel like the mountain climber who had just summited to only survey the horizon for the peak.  This is not to say that I have pushed aside the accomplishment, or forgotten anything about the ordeal I endured.  As I retreated down "the mountain" I have replayed the training cycle and the race itself for mistakes made and lessons learned.  These lessons may not apply to everyone.  These lessons work for me.

A high octane life needs high octane fuel.  

Are you a garbage disposal or do you choose what you eat for maximal metabolic efficiency?

I dropped soda and (most) junk food.  Fast food rarely touches my lips.  Beer is an occasional treat, not a daily staple.  Once I committed to running twenty-six point two I knew things had to change.  For too long I was overweight and slow and sad.  If I am to train for a marathon I need to train my diet, I needed to get control of urges and impulses.  I knew that to run farther and faster I had to run better.  For me that also meant eating better.

Denial and sacrifice are not bad things if I enjoy the results.  

You can't always get what you want.  But sometimes you find that you get what you need (where did that come from?).

Someone once said to eat, drink and be merry for we are not promised tomorrow.  I say live like tomorrow is guaranteed, so that you may make tomorrow better than today.  I am happy to have replaced the hangover with muscle fatigue.  It seems a worthy reward for the person I want to be.

If you are afraid of losing the enjoyment in life, sacrificing the foods and drinks that make life fun, review what you do eat.  What on that list aids your training?  What on the list makes you better at whatever you do?  And what holds you back?  Then decide if being "held back" is worth refusing to change your habits.  Like I said some time before, I want farther and faster.

Respect the distance.  

Any distance is difficult when you add the element of racing.  Six point two miles through a park is pretty easy.  No pressure.  But add a race bib and a start/finish line suddenly nerves creep in.  You have to prepare physically and mentally.  Unfortunately most people overlook the mental aspect of race training.


Two different friends from dailymile in the wake of my marathon disappointment said to "respect the distance".  Truer words were never spoken.  Twenty-six point two miles is no joke.  Nor is it a walk in the park.  Some people are natural runners and other people struggle with running.  But all runners have to cover the same distance.  With each mile lies a chance for failure.  To avoid failure is to stay focused on the task and reach the finish line while reaching as many goals as possible along the way.

Respect the training.  

If you don't train for it you can't race for it.  Avoid hills while training and you will lose your "race" on the hills.  If you don't train for speed you can't pull it out when you need the kick.

In response to "respect the distance" I said that it is more important for me to respect the training.  This is not to belittle the previous statement.  And there was a misunderstanding about that as well.  But if a runner does not take training seriously the runner's goals will remain out of reach.

Some runners wing it through a cycle.  Others build meticulous plans that must be followed at every step to ensure optimal physical and mental preparation.  I learned that training is serious business, especially with long distance running.  Run fast.  Run slow.  Run short.  Run long.  But run according to plan and at the right times.  Peak too soon and race day will be a failure.  "Try something different" on race day and you will suffer.

Now that Chickamauga is done and I have turned my attention to Myrtle Beach in February I am setting my plan in motion.  Base.  Tempo.  Intervals.  Hills (yes, I count highway overpasses as hills).  And the dreaded Recovery.  Every part has a role to play.  And every training day I shall work on some aspect of my program.    What I learned on Saturday is that there is never an "easy" run.  Good runs, yes.  Great runs, certainly.  And just maybe, if I stay smart and focused, I can have that great run.


I know that my running will not change the world.  I know that my running has not even changed me all that much.  What running has done is to expose aspects of me that I did not know existed.  It has opened up parts of me that even my wife and parents did not know were present in my personality.  Running shows what I am capable of when I let go of fear and self-doubt and worry of failure.  This is personal and subjective.  All my thoughts are directed toward making me a better "whatever".  Decide what your better "whatever" should be and get after it.  No one can do it for you.  Good luck.