My Craziest Idea Yet!

The last thirty-six hours have been pretty dark.  Lots of bad thoughts have rattled around my brain and left me feeling rather shitty.  But as these things usually go, I eventually settle back, evaluate the situation and begin to isolate the reasons for the fog.  Sometimes there is no identifiable reason.  This time there is.

As part of training for Cactus Rose I was planning to participate in the Woods Ferry 24 hour trail run.  I have not run a timed event and really need to practice for running through sunrise since I flamed out at Lumberjack.  However, finances being what they aren't, I cannot make the trip to Chester, SC for Woods Ferry.  

When the realization hit that I could not make the trip I went into a spiral.  Did not understand why till this afternoon during my ten miler.  A twenty-four hour run is not a 5k nor a marathon.  An entirely different level of epic shit.

Like a bolt of lightning from the heavens, a flash of inspiration hit.  A dear friend willing to listen and commiserate suggested I do my own 24 hour run around town.  What the Hell?  Why the Hell not?  I think I shall!

The details have yet to be worked out.  I still have to obtain final approval from the Home Office.  On Saturday, September 3rd I hope to run a solo 24.  I'll do what I can, as my body and weather permit, taking breaks when necessary.  Click the link below for the challenge on Dailymile should anyone want to join me virtually.

Does this dance have a name?  Of course...

The Do Epic Shit 24 Hour Non Jog


**UPDATE**


The top male and female finishers, on foot and/or wheeled, will receive a Do Epic Shit tee.  Quantities are limited so winners will receive what I send them and like it!

Who The Hell Cares?

As I struggle with the ups and downs of life, and assess my record nearing the mid-point of my statistically calculated lifespan I begin to ponder meaning.  More to the point "who gives a damn?"

Who really gives a damn that I want to run.  That I want to run ultras and good as far as my mind to bully my body into travelling?  That while someone may think the piddling distances I run in training are arduous for some, those miles are a drop in the bucket to the spans I dream of covering?

You know you gives a damn?  Me.  I am the only person I have to please in all of this.  I run to feel spent.  I run to process the emotions and disconnect from the mental stresses.  I run today so I can live a little easier tomorrow.

There is not sponsorship to earn.  There is no prize money to win.  There is no product to push.

The only thing I have to push is my ass out the door and down whatever path I choose to follow.

Some days I do feel like Superman, with the alter ego.  Off road I am the guy that gets little right.  Lots of "give a damns" to resolve.  Too many at times.  And most with piss poor results.  Then get me on the streets with running shorts and shoes and nothing but my own energy stores to slow me down.  Anything is possible, even with a shit knee or busted toe.  Oh to hell with Superman.  I feel like King Kong!

So when I threaten to skip a run or even pass on some cross-training bullshit I need to ask myself "who the hell cares?"  

I should!

"And why should I give a damn?  What does it really matter in the long term?"

Only my health and happiness and stability are at stake.  Other than that it is not a big deal.

Tell The Rain Not To Drop

People have a habit of interjecting their thoughts when least appropriate.  Or when most inopportune.  Or best timed to cut deep and lay waste to killer mojo.  Those people are assholes.

One commonality among endurance athletes is the misunderstanding of our obsession by the uninitiated.  The crazy looks.  The questioning stares.  I have read numerous posts and comments lately on this very subject.  As a rule we - marathoners, ultra marathoners, triathletes, etc - are viewed as obsessive, arrogant, egotistical, selfish maniacs.

Tell me I am insane.

Tell me I waste my money.

Tell me I misuse my time.

Tell me I am a bad father.

Tell me I am a selfish spouse.

But don't tell me they know what it means to be me.  That they understand what I do.  That they understand why I run.  Far.

They may not get IT.  That is okay.  The real question is do they get that they don't get IT?

Tell the rain not to drop.  But don't tell me not to run.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 15

*I forgot to post this the week before Lumberjack.  I decided to post it now rather than delete it.*

The Round-up.  Last bits to sweep up.  I know I promised no more.  Sue me.

Sleep deprivation training

I decided that to prepare to be awake for more than twenty four hours I should stay awake for more than twenty four hours.  I didn't run in that time.  I'll say I was very excited at the prospect of running 10-15 miles when I got home after a long day on Saturday.  This would have been at the 39 hour mark but Mother Nature stepped in.  No training runs in lightning and heavy rains.  At least that's what my wife says.

Preparing "to quit"

While thinking about completing a one hundred mile ultra marathon I have thought about what obstacles will prevent me from finishing.  Injury.  Exhaustion.  Discouragement.  What I have not yet considered is a support mechanism for overcoming these obstacles.  Medical staff will determine the injury issue IF I should get hurt badly enough.  Exhaustion will win out if I collapse.  Discouragement will be the bugaboo.

For a example of how a rational person would prepare for this check out this post.  How to quit/not quit is definitely something that flew below my radar.  At least in compiling my race preparation check list.  I'll be thinking about this a lot this week.

Doubt; On Climbing My Own Private Everest

Doubt is the great leveler.  Let doubt creep in and suddenly the probably becomes impossible.

Doubt crept in yesterday.  The door was left ajar by the exhaustion of the weekend.  And the excitement of doing things I had not tried previously.  And for milestones on the calendar.  One week from today I'll be in my post-ultra life.

A few months ago I bought an arm load of books to pass the time while not running.  I also am interested in writing styles.  Quite be accident I picked up two books - Into Thin Air and The Kid Who Climbed Everest - about expeditions to the "roof of the world".  Could not have been a more fitting way to build up to the Lumberjack Endurance Run.

Bear Grylls, on speaking of the South Col, the last camp before any push to Everest's summit, says that no amount of money or technology can get one to that point.  Above 26,000 feet helicopters are useless.  There are no roads so wheeled vehicles are not a consideration.  And while one needs the proper equipment to make the bid, supplemental oxygen, crampons, ice axes and the like do nothing without the will to use them.

The same goes for this coming weekend.  One could get in the car and drive one hundred miles.  But no one is handing out belt buckles for that.  Covering ground on foot by running or walking (or crawling) is the only way to achieve this goal.

This week is about battling the doubt.  I plan to run some, so I don't forget how.  Most of my packing is done.  I have to stay in the present some with the family and real life still in play - kids, school, dance.  Come Thursday and everything changes.

Thank you to everyone that has offered encouragement and support.  I appreciate your faith in my abilities.  My anxiety comes for not being able to fully express everything in my head and heart.  Sometimes I feel that because I cannot find words to flesh out these feelings I would if they are real or valid.  Non-runners don't get it.  Even short and middle distance runners look at me as if I am some sort of freak.  Experienced marathoners have questioned my sanity (I have done this as well).

My ultimate goal is not the belt buckle.  What I need to know is that when I have nothing left to give, and lay shattered and broken, I can find enough "something" keep moving.  It is either in me or not.  I have it at this moment or I don't.  There is no need to put it on the packing list for its not something I can simply forget at home on the coffee table.

I just hope I find it.  And have the fortitude to use it when I do.

You may ask "why run 100 miles?" if it is this debilitating emotional, not to mention physically.  Because I can't find what I seek in a book.  It's not on television or online.  This level of discovery is not available to me on a therapist's couch.  5k, 10k and marathons are not long enough to tear down and rebuild my spirit.

My spirit is in need of renovation.

This is why I run.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 14

Don't confuse safe with smart.

I have always played it safe.  Never smart.  That's why ultra running could be a could fit for me.  What is smart about running 50mi, 100mi, beyond 100mi?  Nothing.  Playing it safe in training, with hydration & fueling and walk breaks - that's where the smart comes in.

Your confidence in me is appreciated.

Your concern for me is warranted.

Your hopes and prayers for me are received.

As a dude said this week, all that's left to do is to 'not quit'.  He quit at the Barkley Marathons last week.  He knows when and why to quit.  But he's finished more often than he's failed (if quitting equals failure) so this dude is a trusted resource on the subject.

Based on my track record through life finishing the 100 should be easier than the not-quitting.  There is a difference.  Think about it.

Quitting is natural for me.  Not quitting is new.  At some point quitting may be smart.  Hell, it may be safe.  And it may be necessary.  One point to remember is that each step puts me closer to 'not quitting'.

***

Epilogue is Prologue - for all intents and purposes training is done.  It may not have gone the way I hoped.  I did only give myself eight weeks to prepare, but I have been running consistently at 60-70mi per week since July.  Some things did not get done, but no sense is crying about it.  The base is there.  Nothing to add to the mix this coming week but rest and organization and travel.

From Thursday afternoon through Tuesday night I will be on fumes.  The timezone change will assuredly mess with my mind as well as my body.  This is the first time I shall ever be west of the Rockies.  That alone will take a lot out of me.  Not to mention the whole 'running for hours and hours' thing.

Fortunately for some of you (wink nudge) I'll have limited internet access due mainly to available battery power on my mobile phone.  I do hope to communicate with any and all of you while on this great adventure.  I have dragged y'all along with me and see no reason to stop now.

Later next week I'll post my plan for udpating my progress during the Lumberjack.  It is a simple affair.  No fancy online tracking.  So if you care you will be able to follow my progress.  If not...  Why are you still reading this stupid shit if you don't care?  That's just dumb.

 - Logan


PS, There are times when people come into your life to bring new ideas or viewpoints for one to consider.  Whether to open up new possibilities or simply reflections of one's self.  Several of those persons have come into my life in the last year, each armed with great faith that I am capable of so much more than I ever would have given myself credit for.  To each of you I give thanks.  After LJ I promise to thank you directly and personally.

In preparing for my last marathon I created a dedication list with each mile given in thought to a single person or group of people that held a special place in creating "me".  Even now I realize I left some very important people off that last.  However, as I wind down my preparations for the Lumberjack there will be no list.  No miles or loops in dedication to others.  This run is about me, for me.  I will still think about all the people who have helped me reach this point in my running life.  I simple know that to finish this distance I have to run each step for me alone.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 13

Knowing when to say "enough".

While at dinner last night after viewing My Run, the conversation turned to racing and my upcoming foray into ultra marathons.  A friend asked "when is enough going to be enough?"  At first I thought she was referring to the long-term view of racing.  How many future ultras?  Actually the question was more about the immediate.  At what point during the hundred miles would I know it was time to stop?  What are the signs telling me to get off my feet before I'm on my back?

Of course my wife was a party to this conversation.  We returned to the topic on the way home.  She is afraid I will kill myself in pursuit of this goal.  I discussed my eating plan.  I discussed my hydration plan.  The course layout will never have me more than two miles from an aid station.*  If my handhelds go dry I won't have far to go for a refill.  And the run is outside Seattle so chances are it will be raining.  Like manna from heaven.

All the advice I have been given says that the challenge is all mental.  My body will ache.  The pain is unavoidable.  I will hurt of a long time.  The trick will be in pushing the pain aside and continuing to move forward, whether I run, shuffle, walk or crawl.

So I come back to the question of when I will know if I am "finished" before the finish.  It may be a physical breakdown.  The moment could come from a mental lapse.  I hope the wall does not collapse on me, but I have to accept that the wall begins to crumble from the very first step I take.  So the true race is not to the finish line and the belt buckle trophy.  Rather the true race is time and distance against my body and endurance.

I will not pick a number and predict "I shall be satisfied if...."  It will be very in-the-moment.  I believe I will know when I know.  My hope is that the knowing will come after the finishing.  After the eighth and final loop.

 - Logan

*Twelve mile loop with aid at the Start/Finish, Mile 4 and Mile 8.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 11

"I didn't need to know that I could run 100 miles before tackling the century distance; I needed only the courage to do it."

 - Elinor Fish, former editor, Trail Runner Magazine (March 2011)

Courage is an interesting trait.  Some challenges go unmet because they hold no interest.  Some people realize they are ill equipped to meet the challenge.  And others still lack the courage to rise up and confront the task before them.  I lack courage.

Running one hundred miles may seem insane.  Some may consider it dangerous.  One might even say foolish.  You may even say while it not for you, there is a certain amount of admiration for those runners that do tackle the longest of endurance races.

I will contend that courage is the life preserver that carries you to "certainty.  Once you met the challenge courage is not longer as important as regular training and nutrition.  Courage helps you to face the unknown.

Fear used to enter my mind when considering "the marathon".  I shed that fear.

The idea going beyond 26.2 miles left me uncertain.  After last night's 50k trainer, I realize I am capable of more.  Fifty miles appears within my grasp.

I will need courage going to Port Gamble in nineteen days.  Courage will maintain my calm.  Courage will keep my gaze steady.  Courage will keep my stride fluid.

But my trust that my need for courage will be temporary.  I am looking to replace courage with certainty.

I Am an Ultrarunner! Almost. Maybe. Part 8

Halfway.

Almost one month ago I finished the Myrtle Beach Marathon and turned my attention to an ultra.  Now that ultra is one month away.

Halfway.

Coming off the excitement of the marathon I was riding high and ready to take on the world.  An ultra seemed like the next step.  I have plenty of other marathons I want to tackle, but this particular race is just what I needed.  A new region of the country to visit.  A new group of friend to join.  And a new challenge to assault.

Halfway.

One month later the shine is wearing off.  I am only taking eight weeks to prepare for the Lumberjack Endurance Run.  Eight weeks to go from a marathon to one hundred miles.  I am sure I'd feel worn down even if I allowed six months to train.  The next four weeks just feels like an eternity.  But in reality time is flying.

As the days and weeks get shorter I believe the anticipation will grow.  Making preparations for the distance is the only thing that got me on the road today.  I cannot half-ass my way through a hundred miler.  A marathon... maybe.  I proved that on Saturday.  The Lumberjack will be different.

As the miles rack up I will feel it too.  The wear on my body.  The fatigue in my mind.  And the growing certainty that regardless of the outcome I know I am doing what I was meant to do.

I see these eight weeks like the one hundred miles of the ultra.  Excitement will reign at the start.  Relief and jubilation will greet me at the finish.  But that middle portion.  That will be the real deal.

I am glad to be halfway.  Now it seems real.

 - Logan

yoU're Never Alone Running.

What is in a name?  Some people grant their children awesome names, like Logan (shameless, I know).  Other people give they children dumb or embarrassing names such as Apple, virtually guaranteeing a beating on the school playground.

Do not get me started on nicknames.  My dad worked at a chemical plant where every employee had a code name.  It was like GI Joe.  I have forgotten most of the names I knew those 20 years ago (worked there over the summers during college) but I do remember the nicknames my dad and I had.  Dad was a maintenance supervisor.  He is a man of few words, but when he speaks you should listen.  Because he was always "watching" what his men were doing, several of them took to calling him "Warden".  All he needs as a shotgun over his shoulder and they would swear they were on the chain gang.  So when I came along they immediately called me "Little Joe".  Think Bonanza.  No one ever called me by my given name.  (In fact my dad rarely talked to me on the job, which was fine.  We each had jobs to do.)  It was always "Little Joe."

So fast forward to last summer.  I just joined a local running group and was getting to know the personalities.  I recently started to regrow my beard for winter running.  One of the ladies stated that she did not care for facial hair.  I responded that that bit of information was all the more reason to let it grow.  In fact, if the beard got wild enough I might use to to intimidate other races in the coming months.  Anything for an edge.  Someone is the group said I resembled The UNABomber from several years ago.

Suddenly the "beard-hater" blurted out "unarunner".  And a truly great nickname was born.  Of course one has to cultivate a certain look to wear such a nickname.  This is months in the making.

I'm not in jail so I do look happier.  Yay me!

I got to thinking this morning that such a nickname can be cause for confusion.  My sister-in-law even asked recently why I would want to be named for such an infamous person in history.  No big deal really.  But still I got to thinking., 

Dailymile has taken much of my free time lately.  There are so many awesome people and incredibly touching stories that I struggle to reach everyone in my circle of friends.  I have had the great fortune to hear honest, sincere and tragic stories and am honored to be trusted with such intimate information.  Dailymile is such a great resource because whether you live in a runners' Mecca like New York, Chicago, Detroit or Portland, or reside in the wilderness far removed from other runners, there are always people waiting to reach out and offer whatever support you need.  All you have to do is post.

A dailymiler and facebook friend commented that I was a minor sensation on the site.  It embarrassed me slightly.   You might think I am becoming an attention whore.  But I believe this is far from the truth.  People do seem drawn to me.  Like me or hate me, I try not to bore you.

This friend said I had success in drawing people in because I managed to "brand" myself.  Most people on dailymile use their real name.  I used my real name for a few months as well.  While their are numerous Marks, Johns, Jessicas, and Jennifers, even a Farra and Farah, I'm not certain how many Logans reside here. The only other one I recall is a woman.  Haha, most 13 year old female soccer players were name Logan for a while.

Anyway, I reconsider the name "The UnaRunner".  UNABOM was the file name the FBI used in its investigation of the Unabomber.  The phrase stood for UNiversity and Airline BOMber.  Maybe I should consider what UnaRunner should represent.  Something beyond a resemblance of wildly unkempt facial hair.  This morning inspiration hit.

yoU're Not Alone in RUNing

So when you think that you are lost or confusing and unsure of where to turn just log on and post something.  Email one of your "friends".  Ask questions.  Someone will be there.  Because you are not alone.

A Little Stroll Through Recent Memories.

Now what?

I am five days removed from my first marathon.  I still marvel at the notion of completing this goal.  However am itching for something more.  I feel like the mountain climber who had just summited to only survey the horizon for the peak.  This is not to say that I have pushed aside the accomplishment, or forgotten anything about the ordeal I endured.  As I retreated down "the mountain" I have replayed the training cycle and the race itself for mistakes made and lessons learned.  These lessons may not apply to everyone.  These lessons work for me.

A high octane life needs high octane fuel.  

Are you a garbage disposal or do you choose what you eat for maximal metabolic efficiency?

I dropped soda and (most) junk food.  Fast food rarely touches my lips.  Beer is an occasional treat, not a daily staple.  Once I committed to running twenty-six point two I knew things had to change.  For too long I was overweight and slow and sad.  If I am to train for a marathon I need to train my diet, I needed to get control of urges and impulses.  I knew that to run farther and faster I had to run better.  For me that also meant eating better.

Denial and sacrifice are not bad things if I enjoy the results.  

You can't always get what you want.  But sometimes you find that you get what you need (where did that come from?).

Someone once said to eat, drink and be merry for we are not promised tomorrow.  I say live like tomorrow is guaranteed, so that you may make tomorrow better than today.  I am happy to have replaced the hangover with muscle fatigue.  It seems a worthy reward for the person I want to be.

If you are afraid of losing the enjoyment in life, sacrificing the foods and drinks that make life fun, review what you do eat.  What on that list aids your training?  What on the list makes you better at whatever you do?  And what holds you back?  Then decide if being "held back" is worth refusing to change your habits.  Like I said some time before, I want farther and faster.

Respect the distance.  

Any distance is difficult when you add the element of racing.  Six point two miles through a park is pretty easy.  No pressure.  But add a race bib and a start/finish line suddenly nerves creep in.  You have to prepare physically and mentally.  Unfortunately most people overlook the mental aspect of race training.


Two different friends from dailymile in the wake of my marathon disappointment said to "respect the distance".  Truer words were never spoken.  Twenty-six point two miles is no joke.  Nor is it a walk in the park.  Some people are natural runners and other people struggle with running.  But all runners have to cover the same distance.  With each mile lies a chance for failure.  To avoid failure is to stay focused on the task and reach the finish line while reaching as many goals as possible along the way.

Respect the training.  

If you don't train for it you can't race for it.  Avoid hills while training and you will lose your "race" on the hills.  If you don't train for speed you can't pull it out when you need the kick.

In response to "respect the distance" I said that it is more important for me to respect the training.  This is not to belittle the previous statement.  And there was a misunderstanding about that as well.  But if a runner does not take training seriously the runner's goals will remain out of reach.

Some runners wing it through a cycle.  Others build meticulous plans that must be followed at every step to ensure optimal physical and mental preparation.  I learned that training is serious business, especially with long distance running.  Run fast.  Run slow.  Run short.  Run long.  But run according to plan and at the right times.  Peak too soon and race day will be a failure.  "Try something different" on race day and you will suffer.

Now that Chickamauga is done and I have turned my attention to Myrtle Beach in February I am setting my plan in motion.  Base.  Tempo.  Intervals.  Hills (yes, I count highway overpasses as hills).  And the dreaded Recovery.  Every part has a role to play.  And every training day I shall work on some aspect of my program.    What I learned on Saturday is that there is never an "easy" run.  Good runs, yes.  Great runs, certainly.  And just maybe, if I stay smart and focused, I can have that great run.


I know that my running will not change the world.  I know that my running has not even changed me all that much.  What running has done is to expose aspects of me that I did not know existed.  It has opened up parts of me that even my wife and parents did not know were present in my personality.  Running shows what I am capable of when I let go of fear and self-doubt and worry of failure.  This is personal and subjective.  All my thoughts are directed toward making me a better "whatever".  Decide what your better "whatever" should be and get after it.  No one can do it for you.  Good luck.